Updated: Apr 8, 2020
A simple rule of thumb
Everyone makes mistakes and anyone could make any mistake. Some bigger, some smaller, some seem unforgivable, some is just downright unforgivable; some inevitable, some highly improbable.
Whichever way, it just is something that could happen as anything else.
So, if it is something so common, why is forgiving an act so difficult?
There are a gazillion type mistakes we all could make, but undoubtedly the breach of trust of any sort is some of the worst. Whether it is from the legal, business, financial or emotional point of view-
it is one with the highest price to pay.
Trust is never free. Free money comes in the form of lottery, even lifespan to a certain extent can be manipulated, but trust can only be earned with earnest effort.
True love (in a very large picture, not just the ones between couples) is priceless because it can’t be bought.
You can’t love who you don’t trust and you won’t trust who you don’t love, right?
So, perhaps that is why it is so difficult to forgive the breach of trust of any severity- because trust is somewhat the matter of the hearts. And we all already know-
the matters of the hearts are just- complex.
Thus, best is- don’t overdo it, people.
But- if done, this is what I have to say to the forgive-er & the forgive-ee.
To the forgive-er:
I realized there isn’t much of a way or a solution, but I figured a simple rule of thumb in my search:
Forgive, if she/he/something still has a place in your heart.
The act of forgiving is never really for someone else, it is for our internal peace. Anything that disrupts your internal joy is simply not worth it, after all, why fill your personal space with matters that weigh you down?
If he or she doesn’t even matter- why should there be a space for them in our sacred heart-space, anyways?! Ha! (what a waste!)
Forgiving does not mean that the damage done or the hurt felt is forgotten-
it simply means we decided not to let it affect us unnecessarily.
In my experience, I felt a relief when I forgave.
That internal conflict between wanting to love and ignoring that love that I still feel, ceased.
The resolution of any conflict is just blissful.
Now, do not take the higher moral ground just because everyone says it is the right thing to do. You make a choice. It’s either you don’t or if you do- forgive wholeheartedly.
Meaning you decided to embrace change.
For better or for worse, come what may.
To the forgive-ee:
We always wished the damage inflicted somehow gets forgotten. Truth is- it is never forgotten. If it appears to be, it is simply because-
that someone chose not to act upon it.
So, are you seeking for forgiveness? If you are- know that forgiveness is not going to just fall from the sky like raindrops. Even fruits that fall off the tree required effort to bear!
You are equally entitled to choose your course of action:
if you feel this love is still precious to you-
you’ll have to put in the effort.
Yes, there is a chance that you will not get what you want (obviously depending on what you had done), but no effort means no chance at all.
You will also have to be very honest with yourself if you really had indeed did all you can. If you truly felt you had, yet it is not reciprocated, then your part is done.
Your effort is all that you need to be concerned of. Nothing else.
OR perhaps you feel- you had done no wrong. Then, so it is.
OF COURSE….sigh… best is to think well before you act. BE CONSCIOUS of your actions.
Stay above your emotions and don’t let them drag you around like a carriage led by horses!
It is possible. It doesn’t make you any less human, in fact,
it nurtures you into more than you can be.
So, yup! Don’t make sorry a difficult word but most of all don’t make our heart a sore-ly place.