A pitfall in relationships: Feeling entitled to that love and attention you’re given

Updated: Apr 8


Yup, this is a pitfall that can EXIST in any relationship.


For here, let's just talk about the ones that you cherish, the ones that are deemed profound, some probably infallible- that you thought couldn’t possibly denature and etc- you named them.


These relationships could be biological in nature (kinships: parents-children, siblings, cousins, etc.) OR relationships that are created: colleagues, lovers that span over centuries, simple friendships or relationships that had endured obstacles.

Obviously, if it’s a relationship that we don’t care- it wouldn’t have grown into something significant and if it isn’t significant- we aren’t that bothered if it does fall apart anyway! (haha)






You went through the highs and the lows together. You thought- nothing could break this apart!


But somehow- it happened.


You asked: “How is it that we been through the worst but can’t endure the normal days?”


Exactly. In between the highs and lows, there stand the ordinary days which form- most of the days we call life.

It is not difficult at all to get someone to laugh with us. Yes, it is also true that relationships that withstand the test of adversity are able to bloom into something more.


But still, if nothing is done to maintain that liveliness in any relationship- it is no surprise that it will fade over time.


This should be common sense: because anything could change over time.


If time heals, time also kills.


And this was never about time. It has always been the actions and effort using those times.



So:


Do not feel entitled to any love and attention given, because these are effort being made.

Effort is time. Effort is love.And time and love are always at the discretions of the giver.



Somebody’s time and love could very well be spent on something else or someone else.


But you were chosen out of millions of possibilities.

Aren’t you lucky?





Effort is as simple as just making time. Effort is in noticing details that no one cares- even though it is not important.


Trying to be more considerate, accommodating and likable- these are undertones of effort too.

They require energy and energy never comes from nowhere.

If some efforts appear effortless, it’s only because we chose to.




I have a liking for konnyaku jelly. (if you have not heard of it: it is a type of Japanese dessert that is made from konjac and has the appearance of jello only very much chewier). My brother- knowing that, would often stock them up. Our house may very well be short of rice but never short of jelly, ever since. Hahaha! It is nothing expensive, but the fact that I’d never had to buy a single jelly- warms my heart. These inexhaustible jelly in the household did not grow off the tree! This is an effort to maintain the bond we have. (of course, he likes them too, fortunately. =p )



Another story, I have a very dear cousin sister where we live 2 countries apart. She’s probably some of the most successful (and busiest) women I knew in my life. Despite the limitations and the technically- inherent love that comes with the kinship, we still made time to chat, quite frequently.


Even if it just ‘good day’ and ‘good night’!

It matters.




If you observe closely:

everything in nature revolves around creation, destruction and maintenance.


Maintenance may or may not be the hardest part, but it certainly is the longest phase for most.


So, give it more thoughts and effort. Make it last.

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